I Love Being Me

My brown, smooth and warm skin and my butt’s gritting of the teeth, hand size touchable breasts and mouthwatering lips are my obvious assets as a woman but what’s inside me are unseen and very mysterious to unfold. They are my real assets as me with less hung-ups of those usual connotations to a woman. Those parts of my body are all untouched by medical beautification that enhances and sustains their natural attractive appearances but I am not against to those who are undergoing with those surgeries and beauty enhancer procedures. I respect them and I can see how they are spreading such business around and besides, I don’t have money to spend for those, but if I’ve given a choice to have money for the expenditures of those? I won’t do it. I’ll just keep the money instead for the future use of my husband and I. Modesty aside, I have no insecurities about the way I think of myself as a woman who is very ‘provincial way of thinking’, but not ‘cheap’ as in most people noted women from the provinces. But I don’t evolve myself from those classifications and I don’t mind where I belonged to the categories that most men are compartmentalizing us women for who will suits their desires. Actually, I mentioned it not because I’m offended but because I’m trying to dig how men put qualifications on us being their woman and out of love, and yet for their ‘sex drive fantasies’. Irritating, isn’t it? But in fairness of those honest guys, they are not like that. Good guys’ sex fantasies come along with love and you will truly feel it with a man you married because you both love each other unconditionally and it’s more enjoyable. You’re hypocrite if you will say that they are both the same with a man you don’t love. You may think that I experienced a very traumatic relationship with a man I don’t love. Actually, yes, but he ruined my trust on him and I chose to go on separate ways than giving him a chance to prove his worthiness that he once broken and I allowed myself to find the one I deserve and fortunately, I found him.

Being a woman from a province, civilized and modernized one, I know how to dress well but not too well. I can speak well with manners but I'm tactless sometimes. I’m proud to say that I was raised knowing my ethics and I can handle myself well but not the Maria Clara type of a woman who’s too much of prim and proper gestures but burning like a fire inside. Kidding aside gals! I know when to speak my mind and I know how to be not uncalled for. I don’t put myself on the spot in the crowded get together but I don’t set aside myself from them. I’m not disgraceful person to be with and I am not noisily type. I’m a very straightforward or frank person, which I think you will be hated me for but very short tempered with stupidity. Sometimes I’m a nagger, a very typical to us. I nag at my husband’s neglecting his initiative but I surrender my whole self to him. I can crank jokes or be humorous and sometimes too serious: unpredictable and full of surprises especially to my husband. In short, I’m an imperfect and a perfect woman on my own like you.

My husband is my everything and I let him know that. I make sure that he knows I appreciate his achievements, whatever they are. I listen to his opinions and his reasons and I insist my effort to know the details about how is his day. I admire him for how he comes up with his logical and his own way of knowing what he knows. I inculcate to him and remind him often that he is the best at what he does even if sometimes nothing comes out good from it. I don’t raise my ego and my know how over him, unless he needs it. He is sometimes unreasonable and I understand him and I don’t argue with him about that but we fight over his insecurities and weaknesses for him not to push himself down. The nicest thing about my husband is he is not abusive of my kindness and my being so open about what he wants because he loves me and I can honestly feel that. He needs and he wants me to love me. We are like friends. We drink and we laugh together. I know who are his crushes in the same way he knows mine too and we don’t go to our limits. We can make our world goes round. We are completed with each other and it seems we don’t need the outside world to make our togetherness enjoyable. He recognizes his own weaknesses and faults with me, openly and I’m like that too with him. But according to him that I accomplish every task that a woman has with a man who has his weaknesses, faults, angst and toughness as man and yet he became the biggest part of my life. I have heard the best compliments from him, which are beyond compared with the compliments I received being a woman and they’re too many to mention, I’ll just keep them here in my heart, privately. I know you don’t mind. It may not be the same to your experience with your husband or boy friend but my husband is the best.

We are very fortunate as Filipina women who have these factors and we have the fundamental of love that most men are dreaming of. Having those elements in us that are natural and our truly assets, which what makes a man comes to us. We can be abusive of our manipulative possessions as our weapons being a woman and we have the choice to do that but by having such ability to control his likes about us, we’ve decided to choose to love him unconditionally and not to play games with it. We have these abilities to make him put down and surrender his weapons, hiding in the wall of a man as independent but coward inside him and change his toughest attitudes that often bring him in troubles and soften his hard stone heart for him to adapt love on the undivided measures of it, which he is not known to. Use these abilities we instinctively have just to bring out the best in him and make him accustom of your being a strong woman and not the weak a man that usually take for granted.